Fear and Self Loathing

Friday

On the road to Kaye's I had 2 bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, 5 sheets of high powered blotter acid, wait actually that is a lie. However I did have 2 bottles of wine, 8 DVD's and half a pack of cigarettes, which is not as hardcore but it was good enough for me. Kaye was making me her signature dish and it would have been bad form to turn up without a bottle and it would be especially bad form to turn up with enough drugs to kill us both 4 times over.

Dinner as lovely and it always nice to have dinner prepared for you. We watched Shadow of The Vampire which was okay although I think I would have really enjoyed if we paid more attention as we nattered throughout. Then we watched Rabid which I quite enjoyed it was a bit different, but then again most of Cronenberg's films are.

Saturday

On Thursday I was invited to a stag do so I mainly chilled on Saturday afternoon , no coupon today as it was international week so I mainly played golf. There was an argument outside the pub on my street which is nothing unusual however this one took a turn for the worse. Some guy whacked another guy with a pool cue a few times while a bystander tried to shield the whackee. There was a woman with the whacker and she was loud but I'm not sure who she was shouting at. The disagreement seems to have come about over £40 as I all I could make out was

"Ya clungey bastard mumble mumble £40. "£40 ya clungey bastard mumble mumble"

One would normally assume that this argument was over a debt but I saw the cue wielding tosser and he did not look like he ever had £40 never mind had £40 to give away. This argument carried up the street where the whackee managed to get himself a shield of the street. The blows were always to the body and the shouting took ages to end. It certainly brightened up my afternoon.

I left at 6.30 to go to the stag do. At 7 I arrived at China Buffet King, to be fair it was alright but it gets worse everytime I go. After CBK we went to the Alea Casino at the Quay. Really nice casino by the way we all stuck £20 into a kitty and started off with a shot of Jagermeister, lovely stuff. 8 of us ended up getting a private poker table with a £10 buy in went out third or 4th i went in on two pairs and someone fluked a straight on the river. Still it was really good fun and £30 down including drink is my best ever at the casino. £90 down was my previous best. After the game ended we all jumped in a cab back into town, the guys were off to a strip club and I was heading home.

Later in the strip club we were all sitting round having a drink seeing the sites. I was doing well. I knocked back 3 or 4 strippers but apparently I caved and got a dance. I dont even remember it, I dont remember what she looked like her name or nothing it took me about 20 minutes this morning to remember I even had a dance. All I can recall is a pair of boobs being thrust in my face and her rubbing my raging hardon with her smooth leg vigoursly. I mean they were nice boobs small and pert but not the kind of chebs I would donate all my cash too but that is precisely what I did. I would not feel bad if I could remember it but I cant.

"No Sympathy for the Devil always bear that in mind. Buy the ticket take the ride." I have always loved and agreed with that statement but it is important to remember the ride otherwise you just end up with a ticket, a £55 ticket that says Entertainment. That and a dog eared fiver were all that greeted me in my wallet when I awoke this morning. I have no idea how or when I get home I think I walked as my jacket was soaking this morning was it raining last night?

Sunday

I woke in my room around 8 and immediatley regretted it. Jesus I felt bad hazy memories swirled around my head with a feeling of deep regret and sadness. Why I felt that way I did not yet know, but I was sure I would soon. Eventually I crawled out my pit into the shower where I remembered I got the dance. That explains the regret but why the sadness? That came when I checked my bank balance.

At this point I'd like to say it is a hard life but its not. It is a spectacuarly easy life, or at least it should be or even would be if I was not such a momentual fuck up at times. All my problems are generally self inflicted, thought like these weigh heavy on mind when I am hungover incapable of any activity whatsoever I should probably stop drinking but then what would I do?

Today has been a write off I have mainly stayed in bed. I nedded a good lie down after I came back from Iceland as I needed food. Eventually I summoned up enough energy to go the cinema. I planned on watching The Invention of Lying but the cinema was heaving and I was running late so I wandered around town until the queue died down and went to see Halloween 2, I've not seen the first one although I have seen the original film. It's not bad pretty gruesome, good sound effects during the killings. They are rather stomach churning or that could just be the hangover, I'm not sure.

That has been my weekend, Monday fast approcahes bringing a new week with new possibilties. I wonder how I will fuck them up too.

Peace out

Malky